I have this girl in my head. I don't know what she wants from me. She's dancing. I can hear the layers of her dress rustling. I know she's wearing a dark blue dress, she's fair skinned, and has dark brown hair. She's pretty. She has a couple of admirers. I know her! I just don't know what she wants from me. Tell me, lady living inside my head, tell me and I'll do it. Until then, she's trapped in my brain just dancing and dancing.

I'm being ridiculous! I'm being ridiculous and I know it. I just can't help it. I wish I could stop being ridiculous and start being normal and non-ridiculous. But it's not in the cards, at least not for now. So I'll go on being ridiculous and silly and weird and odd. I just hope it doesn't drive me completely insane.


On a positive note, 6 months have passed since I started taking responsibility for my actions and my life. This means that by the end of this year, I will hopefully FINALLY have that piece of paper that says I graduated college. Now if I could just find a job that pays the bills and has enough leftover to put into my savings for a congratulatory trip. Here's hoping.

Indecision is a horrible disease that affects the lives of many. This or that, one or the either, pick and choose. Some decisions are just minor irritations. Others... Others are more important or more emotional or both. It leaves you feeling like you are facing a 600 foot shark-lion-bear-octopus-snake-thing. In case you have faced a 600 foot shark-lion-bear-octopus-snake-thing, it's exhausting, mind-numbingly scary, and generally leaves one physically ill.

The absolute worst part about indecision is that after I make a decision, I spent the rest of my day, week, month, year, life... thinking about it and wondering if it was right. Almost every decision I've ever made haunts me.


I've already made the decision. I KNOW it's the right one. But that doesn't stop the gut-churning fear from getting to me. Why can't it just be easy?

I know it's right. Even if it doesn't turn out the way I want or hope, that's still better than the best case of the option I didn't pick.

An explanation

For my name. Sometimes I feel like the very core of my being is dying off. Piece by piece, my soul is chipping away and disappearing. I know that this is because my life is essentially on pause right now. I know that once I get out of this rut I've managed to drive myself into, I'll start to feel whole again. I know this is temporary.


At least I hope I know these things.

So that's where Soul Survivor comes from. I just want my soul to survive this time in my life until I move to the next stage.

Bored games

I was thinking earlier about games and how I miss playing board games. Now when I'm bored I go straight to my computer and hop onto facebook to play a computer game. I miss the simple human interaction. That's the whole point of a board game isn't it? Having fun with other people. Thankfully, I've found online entertainments that allow and encourage me to chat with other players. But it's not quite the same. Something is missing and it makes me a bit wistful for the times when all I had to do was round up my roommates for a game of whatever we wanted to play that night. My single best memory of freshman year was playing Dutch Blitz in the common room instead of studying for finals.

Trying again

I'm going to try this again. I don't know what the future holds but I need an outlet and this seems as good as any.


P.S. If anyone reads this and finds the purple too obnoxious, feel free to leave a comment and I'll change it. I love purple but I don't want to kill everyone's eyes.